For so many years, we've been told to think outside the box but I want to take it a step further...LIVE outside the box. As long as you're not hurting anyone else, you don't have to follow the traditional rules of society. There is no right or wrong way to "do you". I do wish that I had known all of this earlier but my path is my path. My journey is my own and I am so thankful that things continue to play out the way that they do. I remember being 22 years old and my grandmother told me that she wanted to see my own my own land and property. She was encouraging me to go ahead and make such a purchase but...I wasn't ready. I was nowhere near ready. I had no clue about budgeting money, I didn't have what I would call the proper support at that time. I knew nothing about nothing. That's my truth. I was just surviving. I wasn't flourishing then and thats okay because most people aren't at that time. Most people are still scrambling to figure things out. I had finished college and had started my career as a teacher but I was so unhappy back then. My career was NOTHING like I had imagined it would be. I wanted to be a teacher from the time I started daycare but when I actually became one, it seemed like the nightmare job. I stayed unhappy in a career for many years because I honestly felt like I didn't have a choice.
Fast forward to now and I can say with one million percent certainty that I am so glad that I didn't buy a house back then! Like REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, glad that I didn't sign my name to such a huge contract back then when I wasn't ready. I remember feeling like I wanted to do that to make my grandmother happy but at the end of the day, we shouldn't be living our lives for anyone else's approval. Ever. Especially when we are the ones paying for it. Although that particular grandmother is no longer living, I can say that I know that she is proud of me now. I had some hurdles but I overcame them. I got myself out of situations that I didn't need to be in. I was at my lowest point for a while and slowly but surely, I crawled myself out of that dark space and built myself up brick by brick into the FORCE that I am today. When I look in the mirror, I am proud of the woman I see and I know what she deserves and I will never settle for anything less than what I am worthy of!
With all that being said, I had a dream that reminds me to live outside of the box. In the dream, I was preparing to go on a date with a light skinned man. We were going out later that evening but I kept trying to talk myself out of it before the actual date. I had stupid reason after stupid reason as to why I shouldn't go out with the guy. Well somehow time fast forwarded and the date was over and I was telling my mom that I had the time of my life. I had soooooooooo much fun with him. He was everything that I wanted in a man and in a friend but I was so shocked because I couldn't wait to see him again. I have certain standards now when it comes to any men that I deal with and I remember in the dream that without me saying a word, he spoke on some of the things that I was thinking. For instance, in REAL LIFE, I will never pay half of the rent or mortgage with a man. Maybe once upon a time but not now and not going forward either. I don't care and I don't judge what other people do in their relationships but that is not for me. I have my reasons and they are pretty simple. I am not a gold digger and I am not looking for any man to take care of me. I can take care of all of my bills on my own and I simply expect the same from my partner. A real man is a provider and he takes care of those that he loves. Simple. He either does it or he doesn't. That's the ONLY kind of man I am attracted to. Someone who takes care of and values the things and people that he loves without needing to be asked or reminded. That's not to say I wouldn't hold him down when he needed but it speaks more about one having their life together! Some people are in relationships and marriages and still don't know what they wanna be "when they GROW UP". It happens a lot but it doesn't have to be that way. Most people feel pressured to get married before 25 years of age. Most women feel like they should be mothers by 30. It's completely okay to LIVE OUTSIDE THE BOX! Fuck them talking ass people and get yo shit together FIRST! A stable, financially secure mother at 40 is in a far better situation than a broke, figuring it out 20 year old. I am not saying that the 20 year old won't figure it out, I'm just saying it's okay to do you first. Even if it takes you a long time to figure out what that means.
Live outside the box and don't let these folks define anything related to you!
With that being said, let me give these yellow men a chance because I realized that I have only given consideration to darker men. That is only an external preference because what's inside is the ONLY thing that should matter!